From a therapist’s perspective: Psychologist Anne Geraghty, in her new book, “How Loving Relationships Work,” says, “The one that apparently initiates a change in the dynamics/agreements of the relationship or lifestyle may not be the one that has really instigated it.”

With that in mind, how can you begin to assign blame? When two people are having problems, both are responsible, if only subtly. You might be in therapy ten years and never uncover the deep churnings beneath the behaviors.

From an astrological perspective: Let’s say you’re a couple and one of you had an affair, which has generated a major crisis in your marriage. A good astrologer will be able to pinpoint the situation in both your charts. And if it’s in both charts, it was destined to be experienced as a learning opportunity.

Life in the physical body is about making growth choices and then experiencing the consequences of your actions through cause and effect. Ideally, you learn through love and wisdom. But if not, there’s the old reliable teacher ... PAIN. Suffering makes a point and you learn ... but only if you let go of the blame.
If you cross over into spirit without resolving the blame and forgiving the one you see as a perpetrator, it is assured you’ll reincarnate together in a future life to continue working the karma.

When people come to me for past-life regression, more often than not, they’re wanting to understand why they’ve had to suffer. Why were they sexually molested as a child? Why did their business partner rip them off? Why is their mother-in-law so hateful?

The knowledge does help people let go of blame. If you see that you did something painful to them in another life, it can be easier to justify your suffering. I always conclude these sessions with an intense forgiveness process. Forgive yourself and forgive them.

So, all things considered, why not accept ALL THE BLAME. After all, you’re karmically responsible anyway. And it will end the arguing.

We’re all working toward enlightenment. Self-actualization is a step in the right direction, and it amounts to letting go of the fear-based emotions and learning to express unconditional love -- unconditional acceptance. In other words, accept others without expectations, blame, judgment, or trying to control. I know, I know ... you’ve heard it before.