Do you know what you want or need in your life?  Do you feel like something is “missing” but you just don’t know what it is?  Do you wish someone would take your hand and lead you where you want to go?  If you answered yes to any of those questions, you are lacking clarity.  If you do not have clarity, then it is impossible to “steer your boat” in the direction you want to go.  You must have a destination in mind before you can get there. 

One of the reasons people have difficulties dealing with any life problem is because of this lack of clarity.  Now, "lack of clarity" can mean many different things to many different people.  This can mean your lack of clarity on what you want out of your life.  Or lack of clarity about why someone is the way they are or does the things she/he does.  Or lack of clarity about the future.  As you can see, "lack of clarity" is unique to each individual and thus, it's difficult to define.  However, bottom line is this: uncertainty. 

So, am I saying that clarity is a goal that we all need to strive for?  No.  In fact, clarity is not a goal.  Why?  Because it's not something you can "reach" and "have" from then on.  It's a process of constantly refining your picture of yourself, your goals, and your life.  And that's where people get frustrated and give up.  So you will have to make a habit of focusing on clarity on a regular basis so that you can keep in touch with your hopes and dreams. 

As humans, we like predictability.  We like to know what to expect from our world.  But guess what?  Life is not predictable.  People are not predictable.  I'm sure you've heard the saying, "the only thing constant is change."  Well, how true that is!  Most of us aren't comfortable with change and uncertainty.  But isn't that what life is all about? 

I always like to compare life to a game.  But what does the word "game" mean?  It means fun, but it also means challenge.  Part of the reason we like "winning" games so much is because we have been challenged at some level and have subsequently risen to the occasion.  If there were no challenge to the game, what satisfaction or motivation would be gained from "winning?"  Probably very little.  Just the same, what satisfaction would we get out of life if there was no challenge?  If life was too easy or simple, most of us would be complaining of boredom.  And I’m sure you would agree that your life presents many challenges, or else you wouldn’t be reading this article! 

For now, let's focus on the first part of the meaning of the word "game": the fun part.  No one knows how it will turn out, who will win, who will cheat, who will get drunk and fall asleep, or what strategies the others are using.  But isn't that the fun part of a game?  Why would we bother playing any game if, before we played, someone told us how it was going to end?  There would be no point to the game if we didn't have uncertainty.  That's what makes it fun!

Let's go back to the notion of process as it relates to clarity.  One of the reasons people become unhappy or upset is because they usually have an expectation to achieve.  They think, "If only John would change, then I would be happy."  Come on, haven't you known people like that?  You know, the people who are never satisfied with what they have?  They could be billionaires and have everything they ever wanted, and they still wouldn't be happy.  Admit it, though, we are all guilty of this at least on some level.  We all think "If only ... " or "When he/she ... "  or "When this happens ... "  Well, get over it!  Life is a process and a journey.  And just exactly what is a process?  It's something that is ongoing and ever-changing.  And an ever-changing journey can and should be a lot of fun!  Don’t forget, relationships are journeys, too.     

Not only is life a process, but clarity is a process as well.  What may be clear to you today may very well look different to you tomorrow.  And even different again the next day.  So, is this lack of clarity if you keep refining your vision?  No.  Remember, clarity is not something we can achieve.  It's something that is fleeting from moment to moment.  What you think is clear now, is clear now.  And when it's different tomorrow, it's also clear.  You may say that I'm nuts and that this is a cop-out.  But it's not.  We need to be comfortable with and accept the fact that life and people are uncertain and ever-changing.  Remember, we would be very bored in the game of life if we were at a stand-still or if everything was predictable!   

I know what you are saying to yourself: “you’re way off base with my life.  Mine is too predictable.  Too boring.”  Yes, I agree.  Sometimes that’s a problem, too.  Some people have much drama and turmoil in their relationships while others are too passive and boring.  Well, if you’re one of those people, then that’s where you need to step in and take action!!  Kick yourself, in the you-know-what and make it more interesting!!  Make it exciting!!  How, you ask?  Well, that’s where you change your perspective.  Remember, if you change your perspective, you change your experience.   Look upon your life as a positive challenge!!  Mix it up a little!!   Begin with the exercises I provide at the end of the article. They will bring clarity.  If nothing else, it will be something different. 

Clarity Exercise:

NEEDS:
What do you want out of life?
What are your specific needs?
How do you want your life to look in 25 years?

RUTS:
Are you stuck in a rut in your life?
If so, what are the ruts?
What’s boring or predictable about your life?
How can you create new experiences to liven up your life?
Make a plan, choose a day on the calendar, that you will implement these ideas.