Radical Viewpoint: The primary reason two people who love each other cannot understand each other or get along is because of the past. When communicating, they’re both interpreting through the past?going over the past, digging though past hurts, past blame, past disappointments, unmet expectations and unmet needs. Instead, focus upon the present. Stay in the present. Express your present wants and needs as if the past did not exist.

General Viewpoint: Your partner refuses to communicate with you or they do not allow you to communicate directly and honestly about your wants and needs. Poor communication is often the root of other relationship problems. Neither partner can read the other’s mind, so without communication there is little hope of a harmonious relationship. Without communicating, you cannot make fair and balanced agreements about what does and does not work for both you.

Common Causes: Maybe one person wants to avoid disagreements, so it is safer to remain quiet. Maybe one is uncomfortable about agreeing to a solution. Some people like locked-in agreements while others like to avoid rules and keep their options open. Also consider that men and women usually communicate very differently. Women tend to want their feelings acknowledged, while men tend to want to directly resolve problems. If one partner is doing something the other does not like, this needs to be addressed. The partner who is bothered, needs to explain why they’re having a problem with their partners actions or reactions. These needs should be expressed in a normal tone of voice, without being demeaning or accusatory.