Radical Viewpoint: A self-actualized relationship is one in which you accept your mate as they are, without judgment, expectations, blame, or trying to control. Arguing is an attempt to control your spouse? two people blaming each other or trying to tell the other what they want in a non-constructive way. When you blame your partner, you’re saying you’re not responsible. You make yourself a victim, and blame becomes self-pity.

General Viewpoint: There is a potential for arguing to be productive, but more often than not, it becomes disruptive and has the potential to dominate your life.

Arguing doesn’t necessarily destroy a marriage, because some couples argue all the time and still have good marriages. It is how you argue that’s important. Couples need to develop communication and problem-solving skills to resolve their differences, rather than allow a cycle of conflict (resisting, attacking, withdrawing from each other) to develop. Ideally, both partners become 100% responsible for the state of the relationship. In other words, each person must become aware of their role in the conflict and take full responsibility for the loss of love.

Common Causes: We are like robots. A robot has no choice in the way it acts. It has wiring and circuits and it’s programmed so that when a button is pushed, it reacts according to programming. Your mind operates the same way, and when your buttons gets pushed by someone accusing you, challenging you, or blocking you, you demonstrate your machiness?responding by “being right.” Everyone is programmed to “be right.” And the argument begins.