Radical Viewpoint: Adam and Eve got along well because neither had any in-laws to concern them. But for the rest of us, in-laws are what is. You’re not going to change them, so you need to alter how you view them. In most situations we don’t actually solve problems, except through our viewpoint. By changing your viewpoint you can eliminate the effects of a problem, so you are no longer affected. If you’re no longer affected by a problem you don’t have a problem, although nothing about the problem situation may have changed.

General Viewpoint: Meddling, hovering, smothering in-laws are a major cause of marital conflict. Marriage counselors agree that three-quarters of all couples have in-law problems. One source of marital statistics says in-laws are the seventh primary cause of divorce. Obviously, it is better to keep in-laws out of your life, because they can cause resentment and serious problems. Outside interference will not help resolve a conflict. Even the Bible advises, “Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife. And they shall be one flesh.”

Common Causes: One partner may be more reliant on his/her parents than the other, or they may have been programmed to avoid conflict with Mommy and Daddy at all costs. If this is the case, the other partner will likely balk at in-law input. Both partners come from a different family background with different parental personalities as well as different values, expectations, and traditions. Parents think they know what is best for their siblings, and when they don’t have natural boundaries, conflicts are assured.