Radical Viewpoint: If you want something out of your relationship, the problem is “wanting something.” The less wanting in a relationship, the stronger it will be. When you insist that someone act according to your rules, they are forced to repress who they really are. Since long-term repression is impossible, any forced change will not last, assuring further disappointments.

General Viewpoint: In a bonded relationship, both partners must be direct and honest about their expectations and needs. Both have a right to receive loving consideration from their mate. Everyone needs to feel important to their partner and to receive emotional support. They need to feel loved for their hopes, dreams and desires as well as for their tangible contributions to the relationship. From a self-actualized perspective, expectations are considered futile and we should learn to live without them. But realistically, when two people come together in love, and if their expectations and needs are reasonable and have been discussed and agreed to, both partners have an obligation to fulfill them.

Common Causes: Expectations and needs can be a tricky. A couple may start off fulfilling each other’s needs, but with the passage of time and complications of life, maybe one partner begins to let things slide. The other partner feels their desires are unimportant and resentment ensues. A couple must make time to intimately communicate or the relationship will begin to dysfunction. Displaced resentments will generate conflicts over control and respect. As time passes, the couple will become hypersensitive, and angry responses can be expected in response to small issues. Without at least two hours of intimate focused conversation every week, the relationship cannot be expected to heal.