One of the things people tend to lack in their lives, and in their relationships, is aliveness. Aliveness is finding excitement and enjoyment in everything you do. It is that blood-pumping, exhilaration, challenge, joy, stimulation, and pleasure that makes life worth living. Most people don’t feel aliveness. They feel boredom. If you ask some people how they are doing, you are likely to get a response similar to this: “Oh, I’m just going through the motions.” What that is really saying is that the person is in a boring pattern. That is no kind of life.

You probably are “going through the motions” in your relationship. Most people are. They act like a machine; every day, they do the same thing. When two people, who are supposed to be in love, fall into this boring pattern, they must find a way to get out of it.

When a relationship is new, it is easy to find aliveness. It is natural and effortless. However, as the relationship continues, that newness wears off, and along with it, people’s aliveness. But this doesn’t have to happen. It only happens because you allow it to happen.
Humans maintain a strange tension between predictability and novelty. We like our lives to be predictable, but when it becomes too much so, we crave novelty. Unfortunately, many people ignore this craving in their relationships. They see it as too much work, or they just don’t know how to respond.

Whether it seems like work to you or not, you must think about how you can create aliveness in your relationship. But what works for one couple probably won’t work for another. However, whatever you end up doing, it must be unexpected, new, different, and fun. If it feels good, do it. If it feels bad or neutral, stay away from it. Good, high, positive emotions tell you that you are creating aliveness.