You could probably make a long list of things that are not going right in your relationship. They probably include things like: lack of affection, lack of respect, lack of sexual intimacy, lack of emotional intimacy, or lack of attention. Perhaps it is all of the above. But the one common denominator of all of these problems includes the word “lack.”

It is likely that you feel that you are being denied of your needs and desires. And you probably are. Maybe your husband never says he loves you or never does nice things for you (lack of affection and lack of emotional intimacy). Perhaps your wife never wants to have sex with you and always talks to you as if you were an idiot (lack of sexual intimacy and lack of respect).

It is easy to sit and analyze how you are being denied in the relationship. However, what you should also do is think about what you are denying your partner. Let’s take the sexual example. Your wife (or husband) doesn’t want to have sex with you anymore. You feel rejected, neglected, and unattractive. As a defense mechanism, you decide to act uninterested in sex as well. This may not have occurred on a conscious level, but nonetheless, it has manifested through your actions. So, in essence, you are denying your mate of sexual intimacy just as much as he/se is to you.

If you feel you are being denied something in the relationship, instead of playing the victim role, turn the tables and take a look at yourself. You are probably responsible (at least partially) for what you are being denied. If you want to receive, you first have to know how to give it. Until you can understand that you will not get what you won’t give, then you will be faced with a sub-par relationship.