Often couples silently “keep score” of the things that go on in the relationship. For example, a husband may “score points” if he cleans the kitchen without being asked to do so. And a wife may “score points” if she is easy-going about her husband going to play poker with his friends on Friday night.

We could advise you to not take score. It is definitely the best thing to do – it would mean you were capable of unconditional love. However, since that is not true of most of us, the next best thing we suggest is to make sure you do things for your partner not simply to “score” your points, but rather because you love them.

The problem with “keeping score” is that both partners interpret certain actions differently. Giving the kids a bath at night may feel like a lot of points to a husband who does it, but perhaps the wife feels like that is something he should be doing as an equal partner anyway, so she doesn’t give him nearly as much credit as he would like.

When we think in terms of score keeping, we usually look for the “big” things. But don’t forget the little things. Yes, buying a new Ford Explorer for your wife for Valentine’s Day is very nice. However, perhaps she would be just as happy if you brought her home a rose from work one day.

Any little thing you can do for your partner, that you know your partner would like, is the most important thing you can do. It shows you pay attention to the very core of their being and know what is meaningful to them.

Chances are that neither of you go out of your way to do a small act of love for no other reason than to make your partner happy. But remember, a little act of love can go a long way.