We all want to be perfectly comfortable in our relationships and above all, we want to avoid discomfort in our unions. If we could, we would, but the outcome might not be all that desirable.

In his book, “Actualizations,” Stewart Emery says, “Researchers have discovered that if you place an amoeba in an environment in which it is subjected to a great deal of discomfort, it will die. This is perhaps not at all surprising; the same is true of you and me. If you and I dwell in an environment that subjects us to constant discomfort, to pain, to constant put-downs and belittlement, our spirit for living will die. The surprise comes when we examine the results of placing an amoeba in an environment that provides it with absolute and continuous comfort. The result is the death of the amoeba. Again, there is a direct parallel with the results of a similar situation in human life. If you and I give in to an addiction for comfort, our spirit for life will die. If our spirit for living dies, we will find ways to arrange that our bodies also die.”

Amoebas need to exist in a balanced environment of comfort and discomfort, just as humans--especially humans desiring to achieve self-actualization.

Emery says, “What I observe as true for those people who are committed to a path of growth is that their experience of discomfort is exhilarating in a very healthy way. These people are excited about making the growth choice rather than constantly seeking the protection of the fear choice. These people find as they travel down the path that discomfort is sometimes a companion, though seldom for extensive periods. And on the other side of discomfort they discover a new high waiting for them, together with a deeper sense of their own self-worth.”

So if your relationship is not as comfortable as you would like it to be, it may be a blessing. Consider a new viewpoint.