In a poor relationship, it is easy to focus energy on the scarcity of some element – love, affection, respect, etc. However, focusing upon lack will only perpetuate it. Instead, if you focus on love, you embrace your partner’s value. If you think back on anything or anyone that you have loved, you will always find values. If you loved your first car, it’s because it meant something to you. If you love your best friend, it’s because she/he contributes positively to your life. So whether it’s a car, your best friend, a piece of pizza or an ice cold beer, the reason you say you love it is because it is valuable to you.

While love begins with a recognition and appreciation of value, scarcity is a much different attitude. Instead, it is an intention to judge. For example, if you perceive a lack of affection from your partner, you are inherently judging him/her for that lack. You think, “If only he would hold my hand or cuddle with me more …” and this is a focus on judgment. You are judging him for withholding his affection. And when you judge, you have an “agenda” and a “fighting” approach to relationships. You will always feel the need to compete with or control your mate.

You should also look within and see how this applies to your personal love and value. Do you love yourself? If not, you probably attracted a partner who doesn’t much either. Do you value yourself? If not, your partner probably doesn’t value you either. These attitudes, whether it’s toward yourself or toward your partner, are all connected at the very core.

Love sees value in everything, it attracts everything. Scarcity doesn’t value anything, and it repels everything. Love embraces people and experiences. Scarcity keeps looking for something better. Think about how you approach your relationship – through love or scarcity.