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“Dater” or “Relationship Person”? |
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| There are two kinds of people in the world: “daters” and “relationship” people. The two of us happen to both be “relationship people.” We love to have the companionship of someone we love. We think the whole point to the dating game is to ultimately fall deeply in love and then spend the rest of your life with one person.
Here’s a news-flash for “relationship” people: not everyone wants a relationship. Some people actually prefer casually dating over a long term commitment. As much as you might not understand it, it’s true. Not everyone likes being in a relationship.
This, of course, presents problems when you are dating. Perhaps you meet someone who sweeps you off your feet on the first date. That night, you lay in bed convinced you have just met “The One” and you are already planning your life together. Meanwhile, Mr./Ms. Wonderful might be just thinking how great it is to meet someone fun that they can date twice a month. Or whenever they feel like it. Obviously, this does not add up to the perfect relationship for you.
There are many reasons someone might be a “dater.” The first thing that comes to mind is fear of emotional intimacy. Sexual intimacy may not be a problem. Sometimes daters are also the “sleep-around” type. For anyone who has ever seen an episode of Sex and the City, the character that epitomizes this is Samantha. She was almost “relationship-phobic,” but she loved to have sex. This character is fictionalized and exaggerated, but she is the extreme version of a “dater.”
So if you find yourself being the only one trying to maintain contact with that person who just swept you off your feet, well, either that person doesn’t like you very much, or perhaps - just perhaps - that person is a “dater.” If you want a quality relationship, it is best to move on.
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