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| > Return to Relationship Repairs |
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Accepting What Is |
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| Life on earth includes suffering. We have relationship problems, we lose loved ones through separation or death, we experience loneliness, sickness and accidents. We are haunted by guilt. We have monetary hardships, experience phobias and fears and have unfulfilled desires.
We experience this distress because we desire things to be different than they are. In short, it is your resistance to what is that causes your suffering. And when we say suffering, we mean everything in your life that does not work.
Some things are facts. Income taxes exist . . . that’s what is. Your partner is quiet and stubborn . . . that’s what is. Your mate had an affair . . . that’s what is. You can spend your life attempting to change what is, but there is not much you are going to do about it. Instead, concentrate your efforts upon things you can change.
Remember the Serinity Prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
You need to understand that it is impossible to change another human being. You may be in a position to force the change with a statement like, “If you don’t stop doing that, I’m going to leave.” And your partner may stop. But they will be repressing their real emotions and repression will always surface?often in even more undesirable forms.
You can change your attitude and the way you respond to your partner. As a result, your partner will be responding to a “new you,” and they may change all on their own. But you cannot expect to see long-term results from asking for or demanding a change.
When you accept what is, you simply accept logical facts?unalterable realities. Actually, you have no choice in accepting what is. It is what is. But you have a choice in how you respond to what is.
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