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Taking A Lover |
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| As counselors and seminar trainers, we often hear of relationships in which one partner wants little or no sex with their mate/lover. The other partner climbs the walls in need of orgasmic release through intimate interaction. When this is not available, the more highly-sexed partner often resentfully masturbates, and/or has an affair. The affair, if exposed, usually generates angry communications, which further weaken or destroy the relationship.
Approximately 50 percent of US marriages will end in divorce (4.95 people per 1000 divorce each year). Looking at the divorce rates for 35 countries, the US is at the top, and Italy, a country where taking a lover is accepted as part of life, is number 34, with only 0.27 people per 1000 divorcing each year.
Sexual morality, as commonly accepted in America, is based upon archaic religious ideas and the 35-year lifespans of the Middle Ages. Such thinking and statistics do not relate to modern times. Strict monogamous pairings are not the only relationship option. If one person wants more sex than the other, or a couple wants to stimulate their sex life, “opening” the relationship is an extreme option..
Polyamory is a term to describe all forms of multi-partner relating. Loving More magazine says polyamory is for people who wish to live outside traditional monogamy responsibly and with integrity.
Anthropologist and author Helen Fisher claims anthropological studies of 853 human societies showed only 16 percent practicing monogamy as we typically define it. “You would think that more people would be practicing polyamory,” she says. Fisher claims polyamorists have found a way to deal with sexual snags. She adds, however, “Americans are wedded to the notion of lifelong pair bonding. We’ll see more divorce and adultery rather than an attempt to channel our urges in an honest way. The majority of Americans will not endorse polyamory?ever.”
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