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Anger As Manipulation |
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| Anger is an effective manipulation ploy when used against anyone unnerved by openly aggressive behavior. Your challenge, when confronted with anger, is to remain calm and respond assertively in an even voice.
“The psychological energy of anger comes from the real or imagined sense of threat,” says David Richo in his book, “How To Be An Adult.”
“Anger is expressed actively when we show it directly. Usually this involves the raising of one’s voice, changes in facial expression and gestures, and a show of excitement and displeasure.
“Anger can also be expressed passively, i.e. passive aggressively. One punishes the other without admitting one’s anger, e.g. tardiness, gossip, silence, refusal to cooperate, absence, rejection, malice to cause pain, etc. Passive anger is inappropriate and not an adult way of behaving. Strongly expressed anger is called rage. Strongly held anger is called hate. Unexpressed anger is resentment. Anger can be unconsciously repressed and internalized. It then becomes depression, i.e. anger turned inward.”
What kind of anger is your partner projecting at you?
What does their anger bring up in you?
As an example, if your partner becomes angry over the way you handle money, your self-esteem may be threatened. Or maybe you fear your spouse’s disapproval will ripple out into other aspects of your life, threatening your relationship. Maybe you fear physical abuse. Project all of your reactions so you can better understand what exactly you fear from their anger.
The only reason someone gets angry is because they want approval or they want to control your actions or reactions. This is not their right. View their anger as a manipulative ploy to control your behavior. Do not fall for it. Respond to anger with the Assertiveness Training Techniques in the back of this book. |
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