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| > Return to Relationship Repairs |
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Avoid Comparisons |
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| Our culture socializes us to expect perfection, or at least as close to it as we can get. We compare our relationship to ideals that may not be possible for our union.
Comparisons can be made anywhere, from familiar role models to cultural examples such as movies, TV shows, or fairy tales. Where you look for the “ideal” is not important. What is important is that you recognize it and realize that every relationship is unique. You need to appreciate what you have.
Each person has their own set of experiences. You could have grown up in a big city while your partner grew up on a farm. Your family is liberal and your partner’s is conservative. You have a lot of friends, your partner has only a couple. You are very different people with different values and beliefs. And when you come together with these programmed ways of seeing reality, the combination is truly unique.
Any time someone “tries to keep up with the Joneses” it just does not work. Do not compare your relationship to others. If you do, don’t think about how your relationship doesn’t measure up, but rather how certain aspects of yours are superior.
If you must compare, then choose a couple that embodies something positive. Evaluate them. Ask questions. See how you could incorporate some of their successes into your relationship. But approach it positively. Don’t get down on yourself if you haven’t achieved your goals. Stay strong and keep going. And then some day other people will look to your relationship for a role model.
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